You Don’t Need Class When You Have Cash

As a followup to my story about the 7 reasons I stopped playing Minecraft,  I give you reason #8. The legendary creator of the game has purchased a rather pricey home in Beverly Hills. It bums me out. What kind of house is worth this sort of month? Let’s see…


Here’s what your new home comes with, Notch! I bet you’re so excited! You must have butterflies in your wallet!

  • A Candy Room
    The only people who need a candy room are Willy Wonka, and professional clowns. Both of those are creepy.
  • 18 Seat Movie Theater
    That leaves 17 seats for you to sell out from under people.
  • 15 Bathrooms With Toto Neorest Toilets
    Not that you give a shit, but at least you’ll be able to practice flushing things down the tubes.
  • A 54-Foot Glass Door In The Living Area
    A metaphor for how transparent your reasoning was for selling Mojang to Microsoft.
  • An Infinity Pool
    For some reason, the only thing that will swim in it is four-legged squid. Weird.

No, but seriously Notch…you earned this. Ok well maybe not. Maybe it wasn’t hard work, blood, sweat, tears, etc. Maybe it was just the fact that your game became a viral meme and people adored you, and dedicated countless hours of their lives to see you succeed. Maybe it was that.


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