I’ll start this story by saying that if I had the funds, I would’ve bought a gross of iPads by now, and they’d be wallpapering the inside of my house; one for each bathroom, one for the bedside table, one on the kitchen counter. You get the idea. But, as I’m sure you’ve guessed from the first part of that statement, I don’t have the funds. That didn’t stop me from meticulously putting the twin iPads set up in The Mac Express through their paces.
Before I could kick the tires I had to wait a few minutes. There was a line to use the iPad. Not an organized affair but a group of people pretending to browse casually for various screen protectors and charging adapters. When the iPad’s previous user walked away with a practically medical-induced grin on their face, the “casual browser” would take their shot at acting surprised that there was an iPad sitting in the store free for the touching.
I’m going to be honest and explain that I’m included in that description. I glanced over my shoulder periodically hoping nobody would notice that I was taking time out of my day to play what basically amounts to a bigger version of the phone I already own. But who can resist putting their hands on the embodiment of visionary ideas?
When Steve Jobs described the iPad as magical I thought he was an enormous ass. Don’t get me wrong, I like Steve. (Like it matters how I feel about him.) He refuses to compromise. Rumor has it that he was offered 13 different livers before he accepted the one that saved his life. That isn’t true but the point is that he has high standards and it shows.
When my time to spin the digital prayer wheel had passed I felt as though I had reached a new spiritual plane. Actually it was more like the exact opposite of that: I was possessed with materialism. Steve, you win. But I don’t mind admitting that because the iPad should have my children. Too far?
I didn’t buy one but I think I may have done the next best thing. A couple arrived immediately after our test drive with their kids in tow and begin capacitively-toucing their way around the internet. Before I could even walk away from the table the husband looked up at my wife and I and started asking questions about the device. It was then that I broke into what I can only describe as Apple’s dream come true: a pre-programmed sales pitch complete with a suggestion that the next best product in the store was the 27 inch iMac which costs as much as two or three iPads together. For a fraction of a second this scared me. But that was replaced promptly by feeling dirty. Followed by buying cheap sunglasses at LL Bean but that’s a different story. But I keep asking myself, did I just sell an iPad to a stranger? No. I think I sold two.